VaGiants

The Giants open their season today against the Brewers of Milwaukee. Young Timmy Lincecum takes the mound against Jeff Suppan. The Giants should fair pretty well this season as the lineup is a little younger than in recent years. I hope one of them emerges as a slugger because they are lacking in the "hitting the ball over the fence" department and I wouldn't consider Bengie Molina the answer. Perhaps Ishikawa is, but that has yet to be seen. What is for sure is that the team has improved in the off-season and has one of the best pitching staffs in the majors, with the exception of one Barry William Zito.

Yesterday, my friend Fatty and I were talking about Barry Zito and how he is a giant turd and will once again finish <.500 in one of the weakest divisions in baseball. We started harping on different ways that Barry Zito could earn his $17 million a year salary. Some of our ideas included working on the grounds crew, participating in "Barry Zito Date Night" at which a female (or gay) fan gets to sit next to him in the bullpen and gets free hot dogs and cokes, buying a beer for everyone in the stadium once a month, playing all of his teammates entrance music on the acoustic guitar, or simply start taking HGH and playing outfield a la Rick Ankiel. 

What do you think? What is the best way for Zito to earn his keep? Maybe Brian Sabean should have to pay him out of his own pocket since apparently he is the only one in the world that didn't see that Zito was washed up, that his once-famous curve ball wasn't breaking anymore, and oh yeah, he throws a fastball a cool 85 MPH. I was reading Zito's Wikipedia page and it offers this little tidbit: "The velocity of Zito's four-seam fastball has diminished; it's currently one of the slowest in the Major Leagues." 

Update #1 - Taylor Hicks sang the National Anthem. This is who we get to perform in San Francisco? Some silver-haired oke ball. Were Huey Lewis, John Fogerty, Chris Isaak, Carlos Santana, Stevie Nicks, and Johnny Mathis all busy?

Update #2 - Timmy "the Freak" Lincecum looked like a tight ball of whale dick in his three solid innings of lame assery.

Update #3 - Aaron Rowand looks angry, even though he just hit the piss out of one into the left field seats. 

Update #4 - Pablo Sandoval is a big dude and he moves like a big dude. Not good for fielding bunts.