Spike Jonze! Who?

So Spike Jonze has a new movie coming out titled Where the Wild Things Are. This was one of my favorite books as a kid and I cannot wait to see what Spike Jonze does with this movie. You can peep the trailer by clicking here. The shots they show look amazing. Use the 480p version for best results. 

For the Love of the Game

Last night's softball game was the kind I love to play. A real barn burner for the first couple of innings, followed by our team running the blitzkrieg style offense for the remainder of the game. This is the second game in a row we have been up to bat, piling on the runs, when the umps stepped in and called the game. At the end of the game, I walked over to the scorekeeper to ask the final count and he responded, "You want my best guess or the actual count?"

I said, "The actual count, please." 

He looked at his score book, added a couple of things up and said, "17-5 or so." 

Our defense was a little rusty the first couple innings which is the only reason they managed five runs on us. I think I need to just put together a lineup and run with it so that everyone gets comfortable in their positions. I may fool around with that next week. 

Speaking of next week's game, we play the early bird special at 6:30 p.m. against a team which may prove to be our toughest rival...the Luck Dragons. Next week is also Cesar Chavez day and all of us should have the day off so there may be a BBQ of some sorts in the park before the game if anyone is interested. The Hurners are on beers next week and they have a head start thanks to Amy. 

In other news, the Suck Dragons won impressively last night, beating a wet paper bag 19-2...just kidding Sucks. 

IFH Mondays

This video kills me. Everytime I don't want to be at work on a Monday (which is most of them), I watch it and it makes me laugh and think that the day could be a lot worse if I had drank beers on Sunday. 

Better Late Than Never

First off, let me start by apologizing to my friend Gina who found my comments about certain La Bou employees a bit offensive in my blog last week. At the same time, I also want to make it clear that I call things like I see them and anyone who knows me knows that. I knew that when I wrote what I wrote, some people might not take kindly to it. I wrote it anyway because well, it's my blog and I don't have editors (or much of a conscience for that matter). While it may not have been funny to my friend Gina, I am sure other people got a laugh out of it. I guess them's the breaks.  

In other news, the Luck Donkeys played the Suck Dragons this past Tuesday in softball and put on a stellar performance, dominating the Dragons for the entire game and eking out a 12-1 victory in the process. Our defense was off the hook and our offense wasn't too shabby either. 

Now I am sure the Dragons are gonna chalk it up to it being St. Patty's day and all, and they had too much to drink and what not. To that I say, "Horsehit!" We had cocktails too. We'll see them again at the end of the season. 

This coming Tuesday we play the Blow Jobs from Natomas at 7:30 p.m. I will be at the field around 6:30 p.m. for fun in the sun. Thanks to everyone who made it to my sister's and brought along some beer or food. 

La Bullshit

I went to La Bou for lunch today because it is close, their sandwiches are decent and you could say it's reasonably priced. I don't get to La Bou too often because I usually bring my lunch so today was a treat. I had the La Bou Club and a small house salad with dill dressing. I asked the lady for a large dill dressing because the dill dressing at La Bou is amazing. I could eat just the dressing and a baguette for lunch and be content. Imagine my surprise when I got back to my desk at work and found a small- barely enough to wet my lettuce -  side of the dressing. I was livid because I must have said to the lady at the register at least four different times that I wanted a large dressing and of course, she didn't understand me. This failure to give me my large dressing allows me to ask the following: Why does La Bou, or any place of business for that matter, have people that can't pass a night school beginning English class working the front lines of customer service?

I understand that La Bou is owned by a Vietnamese immigrant and that she wants to lend a helping hand to her immigrant brethren by gainfully employing them, but for fuck's sake, do they have to be the ones taking my sandwich order!? The La Bou I frequent (11th and O) is probably the busiest one in town so you would think that communication with its customers would be of the highest priority to ensure that things run smoothly and timely. Instead, I am yelling, "large dill!" to a women who may or may not have been an extra in Full Metal Jacket and praying that I don't end up with a tuna fish sandwich on rye with a side of Asian noodle salad. It's fucking nerve wracking I tell ya'. Meanwhile, I see an English speaking person making coffees and shit in the back, casually chatting it up with another person who possesses a firm grasp on the English language who is pouring iced-tea into a pitcher. I wonder if  this is some kind of reverse racism or revenge plot by the owner; payback for something that happened during the war. Who fucking knows.

To its credit, La Bou has never really messed up an order of mine. They have added sprouts a few times when I said no sprouts, forgot to add mustard when I asked for it, given me Dijon when I asked for dill, charged me for cheese when there was none...on second thought, they have messed my order up and quite often. Disregard that opening sentence. 

I have decided to take action against La Bou by publishing the recipe to there dill dressing. Now you, the home chef, can make large batches as often as you like. You no longer have to worry about whether the amount of dill you have will be enough to cover the amount of lettuce on your salad or to dip your bread in. Enjoy and let me know how it comes out. 

1/4 package of Hidden Valley Ranch Buttermilk dressing mix.

1/4 cup of mayonnaise.

2 to 3 tablespoons of fresh dill.

Use water to thin (~1/4 cup).

Eating Crow

Oh how the mighty have fallen (and it's only been one game). The preseason favorites to take the crown went down in a blaze of glorylessness last night in their season debut. Bench Coach Matt, after running his mouth (fingers is more like it),  was mightily embarrassed when the game ended 5-4 in favor of the other team. 

Well, I am going to chalk that one up to chemistry and a change of venue. I felt like a chicken with my head cut off last trying to get everyone "learn-ed" on the rules, the bats, their positions, etc. (this is why we show up to games early Luck Donkeys). We were really only a throwing error or two away from an easy win. Our bats should be back next week as well and I am gonna make a few changes in the positions and the batting order based on last night's game. 

Shake it off team. Next week, we play the Suck Dragon's in what will soon be known as the St. Patrick's Day Massacre (there I go running my fingers again). 

Please!

My birthday is exactly 297 days away. Many of you did not make my 30th birthday party this year and it was a slap in the face since I usually come to all of your stupid crap. If you'd like to redeem yourself and get me a belated present, you may purchase the shirt pictured at Bravo's website. 

I will be forever grateful. 

What Is Wrong With Bud?

For as far back as I can remember, Major League Baseball has opened its season on a Monday and this year is no different; April 6 to be exact. Each year this happens, I ask myself why. Why do the powers that be over at Major League Baseball continue to schedule one of the greatest sports days of the entire year on a Monday? Technically, "opening night" is Sunday, April 5. I say bullshit because only one regular season game is scheduled and there are still exhibition games being played. This would be like saying you're opening a new mall and then only letting customers shop at one of the stores. You wouldn't really call that an opening, would you?

For the uninitiated, on opening day, close to every team in the Majors plays. There is baseball on TV non-stop and if you subscribe to the extra innings package, it makes it that much better. I love to curl up on my couch, crack open a few beers, get a burrito, and watch baseball all day long. I consider myself a fan of the game, but to be honest, this is probably the only day of the season that I will watch multiple games in their entirety. There is an excitement that surrounds opening day. Something about the sun shining, the stark-white uniforms, the crowd buzzing in the stands, and the return of baseball that surrounds this day with an indescribable aura. This is an experience I rarely miss, but as the opening days come and go, it is getting a lot harder to play along. 

First and foremost, Major League Baseball is a product, and like any product it needs to be marketed to remain viable. I was not a marketing major in college, but it would seem to me that the first principle of marketing would be to get your product to the most amount of people possible. Based on this principle, the most effective way to get Major League Baseball to as many people as possible, would be to schedule the most anticipated day of the year for baseball on a weekend. On Monday, people are at work and children are at school. Maybe I am wrong, but people are usually home on the weekends which means they could have friends over for baseball and a BBQ, or listen to the game on the radio while working in the yard. I could be way off the mark, but kids don't have school on weekends meaning their dads can take them to games or watch them on the couch like my dad and I used to do. 

This is my gripe with Bud Selig and the folks at Major League Baseball. Stop scheduling opening days for Monday. If you must do it during the week, make it a Friday. At least then, I have a way better chance of getting off work to sit on my couch all day. 

Well-Fed

Okay, I stole that title from one of my favorite celebrity blogs, but man did the artist/dancer/free-loader formerly known as K-Fed put on a few pounds. You would think that a guy who doesn't have to do jack shit could at least find the time to drive one the Ferraris Britney bought him to the gym. 

Chuck...

I cannot get enough Chuck Norris jokes. I started hearing them when I was in college and still find them hilarious. Here is a link to some of the better ones. 

You're welcome. 

Here is a sample:

"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."