In college, I took a blindsided punch in the face from a 300-lb Samoan guy who had a running start and got knocked the fuck out. I saw a green flash and woke up in the bathroom at my buddies house having no idea what happened. I didn't even know the guy and apparently, he was just angry and on a rampage because he sent another kid to the hospital and the cops were after him.
For the past two New Years, I have walked across hot coals with nothing but my bare feet. The first year, I got burned pretty bad on one foot. By year two, I was a professional at it.
I have done a wheelie on a dirt bike. Granted, it was a total accident and only lasted for about ten feet, but it was still a wheelie and it was still on a motorcycle. It was the first time I had ever ridden a motorcycle with a clutch and I gave it too much gas and popped the clutch. Next thing I know I am hanging on for dear life heading down Jay Young's driveway.
I have bitten the head off of a live Grunion. During the Grunion run one year in San Diego, my friend Matthew Bauer told me that it was tradition to bite the head off the first Grunion you see come to the beach. I did it and it was gross.
I rafted the Rogue River in an inflatable kayak for 70 miles over five days without ever changing out of my board shorts. Yes, they stank to high hell and I had a terrible rash, but I was always the first one ready to go in the morning. I should also point out that on this trip a bear sniffed me in my sleeping bag as I slept under the stars every night.
I once ate an Iguana on a spit in Taxco, Mexico. It was there, I was told it tasted like chicken, and it was cheap. Why not?
I walked up to Jerome Bettis and told him "the Bus don't stop for hoes." This was a saying my friends and I had in college when playing Madden and using the Steelers. Bettis would always shake off would be tacklers and when it happened, we would yell the above quote. He found it funny and gave me a "dap."
I have shot and killed an animal. Some would argue that this is as manly as it gets. But I think the actual act of hunting - getting up early, dressing in camo, sitting in the cold, baiting your prey - is the manly part of it.
I have thrown a perfect game (almost). When I was in little league, I was on fire and had a perfect game going into the seventh inning. No one could touch me. I never gave up a hit, but instead I left the game at the end of the sixth inning to go to a birthday party. To this day my coach at the time, Mr. Dave Dowell, will not let me live it down.
I have been to jail. I am not proud of this and would take any of them back if I could, but it has happened and it has happened four separate times. All of them were petty citations like peeing in public or for no reason at all. The one thing I learned about going to jail was that Yolo County has the nicest jail for prisoners of my caliber (i.e. huge pussies).
I have been thrown out of a Major League Baseball game. The reason you wonder? We were heckling the guy that opens the gate to the bullpen. I would like to go on record at this time as saying that Angels Stadium is one of the worst places on earth for a sporting event. Way too family friendly.
Just a sampling of some of the more manly shit I've done. Some things I don't care to admit on here for fear of incriminating myself and others aren't all that uncommon.
No comments:
Post a Comment